Holiday Visits
Holidays can be a wonderful time of joy and festivity. For many adult children, holiday gatherings bring about the opportunity to visit with senior parents and sometimes moments of concern.
If you live local, your parent’s needs can look quite different from your sibling who may not have visited for several months. During the regular weekly visit, there are times when we pass off a slip or fall here, a change in appearance one week or the mail piling up on the table. But when a family member comes to town and recognizes a change, even a significant one, since their last visit, it’s time to have a family discussion. Many of us try to conceal or downplay a new or worsening problem for many reasons.
First, focus on the holiday and the family festivities! Prioritize time for catching up with family and friends while you get a broader look at how your parent is doing. If you are visiting from a far, try not to derail the holiday but begin to take small steps to converse with your siblings and your parent about your concerns.
Use your visit to look at several things related to how your parent is doing while living in their home. Look around at the environment. Take notice of their appearance like weight loss. How is their balance, mobility, and personal care. And consider their routine – has it changed?
Environment – Look at the home and take note of the overall environment. Most of us clean up and have things look tidy before guests come. You may notice subtle signs or changes as you visit. Are the pans scorched from cooking? Is there excess clutter and stacks of unopened mail? An overflowing hamper or stained clothes may also lead to a thought that the basement laundry is no longer accessible. Does the kitchen or dining table have a mixture of over-the-counter medications and or expired prescriptions laying around?
Driving concerns – Even if there has been no official report of an accident or ticket, are there some dents or scrapes on the car?
Changes in appearance – Do you notice, a loss or gain in weight? Does he wear the same clothes every day of your visit? Do you notice a body odor, or items stored in the bathtub or shower so that it cannot be used?
Balance and mobility concerns – Is your parent complaining of pain, showing signs of unsteadiness when walking, or limiting how far they walk? Monitoring movement and gait or even pain while moving is important. Look to see if they are using the stairs to the second floor, changing where they sleep and using the recliner, or not going downstairs for the laundry or storage needs.
Fluctuations in routine, mood, and behavior – You can’t always gauge by a telephone call, even if you speak daily, regarding someone’s mood or behavior. If you have a general idea of your parent’s usual schedule, is it the same? Has there been any changes? Are they still going to church, hair appointments, or taking the daily walk around the block?
Enjoy the holiday with your family. Take the time to talk with your family members and discuss when the right time would be to talk with your parent. Please do not gang up on your parent but rather plan a conversation after the big family gathering. You have lots of options to explore.
A visit to your parent’s primary care physician may be the first step after your talk. Then, Edenton Frederick is available to help you determine what type of home, services and best care may meet your parent’s needs.
